In Which I Make Fun of a Cop, &cetera

The picture at the link is a story in itself. When you see that cop do you feel safer, or do you feel like the entire culture of safety as crossed a line into self-parody? I’m definitely in the latter category. I feel like that guy would definitely let someone bleed to death before exposing his bare skin to foreign blood, if he forgot his little blue rubber gloves in the back room after the bi-hourly ‘tailgate’ meeting. The only thing he’s missing at this point is a suit made out of fifteen layers of bubble wrap and a cap gun safety-rated to prevent excessive noise pollution should he need to discharge his ‘weapon’. But seriously, when did walking or running become too onerous for law enforcement? This is the airport security equivalent of a clown car at the circus. If something serious happened at the airport and I saw this guy coming to the rescue I’d actually be more afraid. He’s like some sort of inept cop parody out of a cheesy 70’s sci-fi movie. Maybe Sleeper.

 I just can’t stop talking about that picture. I love the way that the guy who gets the credit for bravely putting his life on the line to protect the public is the only guy in the building wearing a helmet and flak jacket, while everyone else is just projectile fodder. Just to look at him, I feel like he’d be the first guy into a bomb shelter, pushing his way past women and children to get one of the good seats. He`s not the archetype of confidence-inspiring masculinity.

This reminds me of our other brave soldiers here in Edmonton, those selfless union brethren who need to close an entire lane of traffic at rush hour to do work on the sidewalk adjacent to the road because they need a 5m radius of ‘safety’ around any work they do. Keep in mind that it’s perfectly fine for drug addled homeless people, morons riding their bikes the wrong way up the gutter, and retarded five year olds to walk on the sidewalk two feet away from moving vehicles, but presumably sober, presumably competent, adult men who are actually required to take safety training and wear PPE need to be specially protected from traffic. This is the bizzaro world the lawfare class has made for us.

In complete honesty it’s far worse out here than anything I can ever recall seeing in Ontario. I remember complaints in Ontario about how there always seemed to be a group of guys standing around watching while one guy ran a backhoe and another guy dug with a shovel in a trench along the side of the road. In Edmonton, there’s no backhoe, no shovel and no trench. There’s no equipment of any kind, just six guys standing around chatting in filthy clothes and high-viz vests and hardhats, with eight hundred wooden sawhorses blocking what should be a lane full of traffic so they can do no work of any kind on a building on the other side of the sidewalk away from the road. I’m in no way exaggerating, and I’ve seen that scenario multiple times. And when a 10 minute drive turns into 45 minutes because of the bottleneck, and you get there and there’s this group of absolute assholes standing around collecting overtime for doing nothing more than creating gridlock, you just want to jump out with a tire iron and start swinging for the fences. Or at least start heaving the detour signs up onto the sidewalk to clear the lane. I’m seriously surprised there haven’t been road rage murders. If I go suddenly quiet for a few days it could very well be because I’m in a holding cell downtown.

Speaking of unions, I’m actually surprised by how utterly, retardedly socialist the City of Edmonton actually is, being the capital of Nazi Canada. [ed. I realize the Nazis were socialists – this is meant as an ironic use of contemporary left-speak.] I think that once the population of a city grows beyond a certain critical point, the attraction to city government becomes an irresistable honey trap for Marxists and other useless idiots of all flavours, and the next thing you know the infrastructure is poorly designed, inadequate and crumbling because they’ve sunk 20 years of taxes into a public transit system nobody wants to use. And the money for snow removal has been diverted to social spending because the Indian railroad engineer running the IPCC told them there wasn’t going to be cold weather in Northern Canada any more and they drank the whole goddamned party sized thermos full of koolaid in celebration. (I’m almost positive this is literally the case; for whatever reason the snow removal was dreadfully inadequate this year.)

Update: One more thought: Segway actually makes a two wheeled scooter designed for off-roading. The gyroscopes are reliable enough that you don’t need more than two wheels to take on almost any kind of terrain situation. And yet, this asshole has to have a little training wheel at the front, again presumably for ‘safety’ reasons. Him riding a regular Segway would be bad enough, but that would be too wild and reckless for an airport cop so they bought him one designed by a committee of English majors. Ridiculous squared.

Update 2: You know, he kind of looks like the DOOP stormtroopers from Futurama. All he needs is a little fin on his helmet. It occurs to me that this might be the new look for security at Canadian airports since the Great Vancouver Taser Scandal of ought 7. I’m willing to bet that if he has a Taser it has to be kept in a special little locked box on his scooter thingy, and only his supervisor has a key.


About mart2011

Everything about me is a fabrication. I'm a self-made man.
This entry was posted in culture of safety, Edmonton, fucking lawyers, fucking socialism, fucking unions, the emails. Bookmark the permalink.

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